1) There are three times as many multicolored, plastic plates in the dishwasher as there are normal china plates.
2) The bottle of Chardonnay in the fridge has been open for a week because you usually pass out before you even get to it.
3) You suddenly have amazing, unprecedented organizational skills. Everything is in order, in its place, and completed days before its due date. And yet you forget to give your kid milk in the morning and end up in the Burger King drive through.
4) In honor of National Chardonnay Day, you expertly pair 2007 Beringer Stanly Ranch Chardonnay with cold Kraft Macaroni and Cheese that you scrape from the bottom of the saucepan.
5) Every time you think you can't handle it, somehow, someway you do. And you feel stronger than you ever have in your life for it.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Updates
First of all, I want to thank you all SO much for the outpouring of support last week. You guys were the first people I told, and I can't explain how much your responses, emails and FB messages have helped me be strong this week.
The short update is I'm doing okay. DH has been out of the house for a week now, and we've agreed to a six-month separation. Over the course of the week, a few things have come to light about his drinking problem, and it's actually much, much worse than I thought. I don't want to go into too much detail, but it became very clear that I cannot let him drive with the boys anymore, and for right now I'm only letting him see them for short periods of time with the understanding that he be 100% sober and stay that way while visiting.
DH is, needless to say, unbelievably remorseful. He swears up and down that he's never cheated on me. He cries when I see him and when we talk, which isn't very often right now. But as I've told him, I have ZERO trust in him right now.
The reality is, he's sick. He needs help. He thinks if he goes to a few AA meetings then everything is going to be ok, but it's not. Hence the 6-month separation - he needs to pull his life together (sobriety, JOB, etc.), and even then it may not be enough to restore what we've lost.
So I'm hanging in there. Being a suddenly single mom has been a challenge, particularly because i have two boys in separate preschools and my commute is an hour (but luckily I'm a contractor, so I've just cut my hours back a bit and am trying to get used to doing work at home late at night). I'm really tired, but primarily because both boys are waking up multiple times per night, S with a cough and W missing Daddy (finally just had him sleep with me last night - probably not entirely wise, but working fine for now). The boys definitely miss Daddy, but not as much as I would have thought, which makes me wonder if on some level they knew he wasn't really "there" and hasn't been for quite some time. This is all going to be a serious test of my organizational skills, or lack thereof. :)
I'm meeting with a lawyer tomorrow just to cover my bases and make sure if I did need to file for sole custody at any time that I can.
It's interesting - in the grand scheme of things, this has been a little easier than I thought it would be. I have moments of desperate sadness and sheer panic, but very few moments of doubting my decision. Keeping those boys and their safety as my #1 priority makes things reasonably black and white.
And...we've made it through a week with no fast food or extra television! Can't say how long those are going to hold, but hey, for now it's an accomplishment.
Again, thanks for all the support. I'm very grateful for this community.
The short update is I'm doing okay. DH has been out of the house for a week now, and we've agreed to a six-month separation. Over the course of the week, a few things have come to light about his drinking problem, and it's actually much, much worse than I thought. I don't want to go into too much detail, but it became very clear that I cannot let him drive with the boys anymore, and for right now I'm only letting him see them for short periods of time with the understanding that he be 100% sober and stay that way while visiting.
DH is, needless to say, unbelievably remorseful. He swears up and down that he's never cheated on me. He cries when I see him and when we talk, which isn't very often right now. But as I've told him, I have ZERO trust in him right now.
The reality is, he's sick. He needs help. He thinks if he goes to a few AA meetings then everything is going to be ok, but it's not. Hence the 6-month separation - he needs to pull his life together (sobriety, JOB, etc.), and even then it may not be enough to restore what we've lost.
So I'm hanging in there. Being a suddenly single mom has been a challenge, particularly because i have two boys in separate preschools and my commute is an hour (but luckily I'm a contractor, so I've just cut my hours back a bit and am trying to get used to doing work at home late at night). I'm really tired, but primarily because both boys are waking up multiple times per night, S with a cough and W missing Daddy (finally just had him sleep with me last night - probably not entirely wise, but working fine for now). The boys definitely miss Daddy, but not as much as I would have thought, which makes me wonder if on some level they knew he wasn't really "there" and hasn't been for quite some time. This is all going to be a serious test of my organizational skills, or lack thereof. :)
I'm meeting with a lawyer tomorrow just to cover my bases and make sure if I did need to file for sole custody at any time that I can.
It's interesting - in the grand scheme of things, this has been a little easier than I thought it would be. I have moments of desperate sadness and sheer panic, but very few moments of doubting my decision. Keeping those boys and their safety as my #1 priority makes things reasonably black and white.
And...we've made it through a week with no fast food or extra television! Can't say how long those are going to hold, but hey, for now it's an accomplishment.
Again, thanks for all the support. I'm very grateful for this community.
Friday, May 20, 2011
My Situation
So I've had a glass of wine, which is why I have the nerve to post this. I'm a big believer in being honest and open, in hopes that I prevent others from making the same mistakes I make.
Anyway... "D"H and I are separated. I went out of town for a few days to visit a friend who has a baby in the NICU in a strange city. I got back yesterday, and was up with DS2 in the middle of the night. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I hopped on our home computer at 3 a.m. DH's email was up, and I saw that while I was gone he solicited prostitutes to come to OUR HOME while DS2 was sleeping (DS1 was with me).
I found this out at 3 a.m. By 5 a.m., I'd found several accounts he'd set up on adult "dating" websites as well as a lengthy email train with an ex girlfriend and evidence of a multiple-hour phone call.
I woke him up at 5:45a and told him to get out. So he's gone. He left me a long, tearful voicemail this afternoon saying he was so drunk he doesn't remember contacting the hookers (and he was in charge of DS2 at the time??!!) and that he didn't go through with it. I told him he is not to contact me or our boys until I reach out to him, which probably won't be until next week.
This isn't the first time I've caught him being totally inappropriate online, and I feel like the trust is completely gone. I alluded in CW a few weeks ago to the fact that he has a major drinking/substance abuse problem and this is just the final straw.
My sister is coming tomorrow to help with the boys for the weekend, and hopefully I'll have a little time to clear my head and figure out what comes next.
I'm sad, REALLY ANGRY, and mostly just so, so worried about my boys. I don't want them to pay for my mistakes, but I guess that's inevitable at this point. And I'm terrified of life as a single mom, but I'll hopefully figure that part out (anyone want to come be my free nanny?).
If anyone has any kind of advice, I welcome it all with an open mind and heart. Otherwise a hug or two would be so appreciated right now.
Anyway... "D"H and I are separated. I went out of town for a few days to visit a friend who has a baby in the NICU in a strange city. I got back yesterday, and was up with DS2 in the middle of the night. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I hopped on our home computer at 3 a.m. DH's email was up, and I saw that while I was gone he solicited prostitutes to come to OUR HOME while DS2 was sleeping (DS1 was with me).
I found this out at 3 a.m. By 5 a.m., I'd found several accounts he'd set up on adult "dating" websites as well as a lengthy email train with an ex girlfriend and evidence of a multiple-hour phone call.
I woke him up at 5:45a and told him to get out. So he's gone. He left me a long, tearful voicemail this afternoon saying he was so drunk he doesn't remember contacting the hookers (and he was in charge of DS2 at the time??!!) and that he didn't go through with it. I told him he is not to contact me or our boys until I reach out to him, which probably won't be until next week.
This isn't the first time I've caught him being totally inappropriate online, and I feel like the trust is completely gone. I alluded in CW a few weeks ago to the fact that he has a major drinking/substance abuse problem and this is just the final straw.
My sister is coming tomorrow to help with the boys for the weekend, and hopefully I'll have a little time to clear my head and figure out what comes next.
I'm sad, REALLY ANGRY, and mostly just so, so worried about my boys. I don't want them to pay for my mistakes, but I guess that's inevitable at this point. And I'm terrified of life as a single mom, but I'll hopefully figure that part out (anyone want to come be my free nanny?).
If anyone has any kind of advice, I welcome it all with an open mind and heart. Otherwise a hug or two would be so appreciated right now.
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