Before 8 a.m. this morning, the following things happened:
1) DS1 set off the house alarm, while I was in the shower with soap in my hair. I had to get out, turn it off, and Google our alarm company to call them off since they still call "D"H and I knew he wouldn't answer the phone. Finally got them, they called off the police. Back in the shower until...
2) My phone rings again. It's only 6:30a, so I jump out with conditioner in my hair to answer it. Because of the alarm noise, our dog has jumped the fence and is two blocks away. Long blocks. Up hill. I throw on my hideous purple robe, and run barefoot to rescue the dog.
3) I arrive back at my house to find that DS1 has shut and locked the front door. He is now playing happily with his Buzz Lightyear. It takes him a good 5 minutes to finally come let me back in.
4) Back in the shower. Rinse. Phone rings again. REALLY? It's my mother. My cousin tried to kill herself last night by drinking a bottle of rubbing alcohol. She's probably going to be ok, but wow.
5) I hang up the phone with Mom after about five minutes and realize it's WAAAAYY too quiet. I go into DS2's room, where he and DS1 look really, really guilty. They've eaten an entire bottle of Hyland's teething tablets that DS1 retrieved via step stool from the very top of his dresser (no idea why I still had them). Hello, Poison Control? Luckily both PC and the manufacturer said they'd have to eat six bottles each to hurt themselves but still HOLY HELL.
6) I've had it. Everyone dressed, air-drying my hair, slam down some waffles with peanut butter for breakfast, they actually eat which is a miracle, out the door to the car and.... the sprinklers are on, which is way too much for a 2-year-old to resist. Back inside, new outfit for DS2, back to the car, STRAP THEM IN and off we went.
I can laugh now, but only sort-of, because it's now almost 10:30a and "D"H still hasn't answered any text messages which means the f*cker is still asleep.
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